Hello everybody! Happy Friday, I hope my California buddies are gaining power back by now, we got ours restored last night and it was magnificent to take a hot shower.
As you can probably tell by my post title, October is infant and pregnancy loss awareness month, a month near and dear to my heart. If you are new on the blog before I had my son I suffered two consecutive miscarriages which changed everything I had ever thought or felt about pregnancy. The entire concept was shrouded in mystery, would I ever be able to actually grow a baby? How could I face another heartbreak? Even when I saw my sons heartbeat which had never happened before, I was on full freak out mode. Before I had told my husband and he was on a trip I had a full fledged meltdown, sobbing by myself because I just couldn’t face the disappointment. Luckily with every blessing life had in store for me I grew and grew my perfect healthy son.
Now that he is here, I thought that anxiety would just go away because voila! I did it! I can feel him, see him, its all good. But that isn’t how it really is, ever since we brought him home I am insanely worried about him. Statistics constantly running through my mind, milestones, if he hits this age the chance of SIDS goes down and so on and so on. Last night he had the best night of sleep he has ever had, and I got out of bed at 5:30 in a panic just to check his breathing. He was fine, but I still brought him into bed with me. Those breathing checks happen….. well, lets call it a minimum of once a day. And for the future? more anxiety. If we do ever decide to have another baby, if I have more miscarriages, how am I going to conceal that from Oliver? I had one successful pregnancy so I can have another, right?
These thoughts and feelings just remind me how important it is to speak up, the number is one in four, we aren’t alone, and this isn’t something you can just “get over”. I still mourn my losses, even though I would do it a million times over for my best guy Ol. These life occurrences alter your future, they way you act, the way you perceive. If anybody reading this is going through something, has fears, I am always here to talk. I spare no details, I am an open book and an ear to listen with a heart full of love.
I’ll be back next Friday with another post, in the meantime spread the awareness of this so very important issue.