Advice: Being Young and Married

Hey everyone! I am currently being smoked like a tri-tip in the California hills, so I am having some forced indoors time to write. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to write next, and found myself asking “what would I want to see in terms of advice?” and I stumbled upon our blog topic idea, being young and married (or in a long term partnership). This is something I definitely have experience with, so if you could use some of this information in the most non bu****it way, please keep reading!

My husband and I have been together for 8 years now. The time has gone fast, but we have had a long road to get here. We got together when I was about to turn 17 and he was about to turn 18, I was never expecting to have a high school sweetheart or to ever get married quite frankly. My mother had recently divorced her incredibly controlling and mentally abusive husband the year before, and I never wanted to end up in that situation. My family was also not religious whatsoever, so marriage in a biblical sense was the farthest thing from my mind. But, it just worked! We fell in love, and we knew fairly quickly we wanted this to be long term.

There is a heaping pile of judgement that comes with young love, here are some of my personal favorites;

“Aren’t you curious about what else is out there?”

“You don’t even know what you want being with one person”

“You are just a baby, you don’t even know what love is”

“What if it doesn’t work out?”

There are so many variations of these its impossible to get them all down, but you get the picture. I think my most powerful asset to make people understand and to keep my relationship thriving is this: do not put so much pressure on it.  Whats the worst that could happen? People seem to be terrified of divorce. Of a breakup. Of the great split. I think its silly and a waste of energy to fear these things, because they very well might happen. There are zero guarantees in life, no matter how much you love someone. We are two people that are deciding every day to be with each other, but people are ever changing, and sometimes changing together is just no longer an option. Its 2018 now and you aren’t looked down upon for needing a fresh start. The most important thing is to just enjoy your time, work together, and let yourself breathe!

Speaking of pressure, there is so much pressure to have a perfect relationship. Guess what the big secret is? It doesn’t exist! I feel like so many times I see advice that is “Don’t go to sleep angry” and “work the issues out right then and there”, and that is just unrealistic for so many people. I appreciate that some people are so cool calm and collected that that works for them, but that isn’t us and that’s okay. We are both very passionate and incredibly stubborn, and sometimes we both need time to process something so we don’t explode at each other. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in our own feelings we fight about the dumbest things, and end up laughing at ourselves. We will go to bed angry because we are so upset that trying to talk won’t solve a damn thing, and here we are, still together. I also think its incredibly important to stick to your guns if you are feeling hurt and like something is unfair, even if that drags a fight out, because what you need is important.

Something I don’t find brought up enough regarding relationships and especially young ones, is live your own life. Do not depend on your partner for every source of entertainment and otherwise. It is so important to discover who you are as a person relationship or not, and becoming your own largest source of dependability.  J and I have separate hobbies and separate friends, as well as things we do together. Its so healthy to miss your S.O., and to support them in whatever venture they choose even if it is not what you would do personally. And sometimes you need to make sacrifices in your relationship to do these things, such as attending a job or college that is away from your partner. Time moves fast, and your dreams are not worth sacrificing.

So to all my fellow youngsters out there just trying to get by, don’t let anyone or anything tell you what makes your relationship good or bad. As long as your are being supported mentally and loved unconditionally, you know whats best for yourself. Trust your gut. And for heaven’s sake, breathe and enjoy yourself!

Let me know if you like this sort of blog advice from me, or if you would rather stick to my reviews/ect.!

Ill be back soon,

Love,

-S.

 

 

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